Short hair?

I've wanted to cut my hair for SO long but have never gotten the guts to do it because I love my long hair! These are some pictures that I like. I told myself that if I go to Utah Im going to cut it but if I stay in Hawaii I'll keep it long. Im going to Utah but Im just not ready to cut my hair! Im so afraid that I wont like it short! I wouldn't go straight to the 3 shorter ones but I really do like these cuts! I don't even know if I would ever even go that short. I don't know if it would look good with my face shape. I would probably start with the first picture of Kelly Clarkson thats a little longer, but maybe some more spunkiness (word?) like the others, but I don't know! What do you think? I've got a lot of hair to work with. I just want other peoples opinions before I do anything crazy.

Too much time to think.

You never know what you've got until its gone.

Ive had a lot of time to think while I have been home. Mostly thinking about things in my past, good and bad, and things that I want to change in the present and future. Im talking to Taylor Aiono right now and we've been talking about Hawaii and Provo and their differences. She's helping me feel confident in who I am and my decisions. I am super confident in Provo and I know that Im going to have an amazing experience, but it still breaks my heart that I am not going back to Hawaii. No matter how BADLY I wanted to go back, doesn't beat the feeling that I get when I realized that going back just doesn't feel right, which makes absolutely no sense to me at all. Being there did nothing but good things for me. I would definitely not be who I am today without it. I wish more than anything that I could still be there with all of the amazing people I met, and still working at Gateway with the best co workers ever and eating Taylor's butter rolls, and Yuna's cheesy potatoes! Ahh good times. I gotta remember stuff like that! Those are almost the most important things you need to remember from experiences like this...the little things! Ok so we traded jobs every week. I loved being a greeter because all you do is say Aloha and Mahalo and throw up a shaka and take pictures with people who think you're like a celebrity. I secretly loved working lines because there were these guys that would drive carts in the back and give us more things of food and I just liked talking to them and getting rides from them to go wash the untenstils (as long as Aunty Vonnie wasn't around). SPEAKING of washing utensils....I actually hated it because I would always go alone and right when I walk into the kitchen, all of the dishwashers start speaking samoan or tongan or whatever they speak and it was completely obvious that they were talking about me but I couldn't do anything about it because I had no idea what they were saying! Every.Freaking.Day. I dreaded that, but I liked getting rides there! Fun little memory. I liked serving drinks because all you had to do was set out like 6 of each drink and fill them in as they would be taken and you got to hear all the asians say 'cola' and somehow it sounded like 'wata' (water) so you never knew what they actually wanted. Oh man. I could go on. To be honest, bussing wasn't that bad at all. Especially when people mistake you for polynesian and european. I was anything but white to these people! It was great! I definitely went way off subject...however I am very happy I was able to blog about that. Now I will never forget about the little things I loved about Gateway. Gateway was bomb.

Heres my plan. Well theres 2. Plan A is to move back in the summers to work just so I can be a part of the culture again since I loved it so much and be making money too. The only problem with this is that it is much easier said than done. There are so many things in the summer that I want to do or have to do. For example, I need to get shoulder surgery, I want to do a study abroad, and I also want to go to Panama as a volunteer! Obviously, there is a lot going on and there is no way it can all happen in one summer. Plan B is to move back after graduation and start working on an actual career maybe. The problem with this plan is what if I am married by that time? I like to think that I wont but honestly, you never know when its going to happen.

Anyway, back to wanting something that I just cant have...I read a quote just now and it said "When you want something you can't have, consider that it's still better than having something you don't want." So true. You're probably thinking, well you can go back if you want...yes I can, but just wont let myself. Like what has gotten into me?! This is me trusted in the Lord. Its crazy how you can be so sure of something but the Lord has something completely different in store for you. Obviously there is something in Provo that is waiting for me, whether it be a job, a class, a person, or just one little moment that happens to me, theres a reason for it, just like everything else that happens in our lives. "Everything happens for a reason." If there is one person that has lived by that saying the most...that would definitely be me. I never doubt it. I still have a really good life, one that a lot of people would do anything for, and I am very grateful for that. I am so blessed and continue to be every day of my life. I have so many amazing, supportive friends and family that are always by my side.

I can tell that this is going to be a good semester for me. I know what I want to study, I know where I want to work, I know who I am, and I know who I want to be. Moving away from everyone I knew for a whole year taught me to open up to people, to be more outgoing and social. Yes, it has definitely changed my life for the better but one thing is still missing. I have always been afraid of relationships and Im not completely sure why. Im starting to come to a few conclusions as to why I have avoided it for so long, the biggest reason being lack of confidence. I come off as a really confident person, but thats just me holding back everything that I don't like about myself and not doing anything about it. Im the type of person thats always trying to help other people out and never themselves. Im starting to realize how hard I am on myself and I need to spend more time making myself happy too. When it comes to dating and relationships, I just haven't ever cared because I never have been able to think that guys see anything good in me. I have never thought that I was good enough for anyone. Harsh, I know, but thats what I've been thinking all these years. Thats about to change. When Tanner and I talked the other night, he gave me several tips and suggestions when it comes to dating. He said that the most important thing a girl can do to get a guys attention is to smile. I have definitely noticed that this is true and have been smiling a lot more recently because I have come to love myself a lot more than I used to. I love to smile and laugh more than anything in the world, which I think is a very attractive trait, and anyone that appreciates that about me is a winner. Also, I used to think that just making eye contact with a guy is enough to get their attention, but if you don't smile at them after making eye contact, then you might come off as almost like sassy or something. Thats not the right word but it's the first word that came to mind. The next time you make eye contact with someone and then look away without smiling, try to think of the facial expression you had and what the other person was thinking...probably nothing too pretty. I have definitely been working on this. Im ready to let other people into my life, at least I think I am. Im more ready now than I have ever been, so it's a start. I deserve to be cared by someone and I want it so badly. No, Im not in any way, shape, or form ready to get married. No thank you. But then again...who is?! Not a ton of people. Provo here I come!

Lately...

Ive had a lot of random thoughts lately so this post is going to be composed of a lot of random things...

So today I decided that I want to minor in Spanish, so Im taking Spanish 101 this semester and I really hope I like it or else Im going to have to find something else! I feel pretty good about it though! You know Im dedicated when the class is at a really annoying time but Im still going to take it haha. Its not that bad actually. Its from 4-5 I think but what else am I gonna go from 4-5?! So yeah, random, I know. Im excited though! Ive always wanted to be fluent in another language and I know that thats not going to happen (like I wouldn't teach myself) unless I take classes...so Im going to minor in it haha.

Also, I really don't understand how people spell my name wrong...especially when they're talking to me on Facebook. Its like....ok Im sure if you are talking to me on facebook, my name is within a 2 inch radius of where you're looking and it obviously doesn't say Zoey. I don't get it! Its not that it makes me mad, because it doesn't. I actually think its really funny. It cant be that hard! Especially if I have known the person a while.

I read this on Sister Paolacci's status today and got really confused because it didn't sound like something she would do AT ALL. Then I realized it wasn't her and she just thought it was funny so she posted it. So here it is:

Oh my heck! I was in the public bathroom and had just sat down and heard a voice from the next cubicle say "Hi, how are you?" Embarrassed I sad, "Im doing fine." The voice said, "So what are you up to?" I said, "Just doing the same thing as you, sitting here." Then he said, "Can I come over?" Annoyed, I said, "Rather not! Im quite busy right now!" Then the voice said, "Listen, I will have to call you back, theres an idiot next door answering all my questions."

Hahahaha. I would laugh so hard if I was either person in that situation. I thought this was hilarious.

Random update #4 I went and played indooor soccer with a bunch of people from the singlesward like kirk, tanner, brad, allen, and a bunch of other people. It was so fun! I think I like playing on a field more but I do like that it was a small area because there was more going on and the game moved a lot faster. I lost some of my skills though :/ I played a few times, but then I started talking to Tanner. We basically had a heart to heart conversation. We talked forever. But it was good. I like to have people to talk to like that...especially guys like him that Im good friends with but we would never date so we both feel comfortable saying anything about whatever and its ok. We pretty much just talked about dating and relationships and he gave me some words of advice and encouragement. He's a good guy.

Anyway...enough random for the day. Im out.

So much going on!

A lot has happened since I last posted. Atleast it feels like it has, so Im going to try to break it down into days. I cant remember everything.

Thursday: We had a HABOOB! First of all, I had no idea what a haboob was and my dad called me from New York saying that a haboob was coming my way and I was really confused. Then I found out what it was! It was crazy! It wasn't as bad as the one like a month and a half ago but it was still cool to see! Im pretty sure I didn't do anything thursday night because I was going to go to Tempe but it wasn't safe with all the dust and storms everywhere. Oh, and most importantly, I found out that I PASSED ECON! I have never been so happy to get a C- in my life. I am so incredibly happy that I don't have to retake it. If I had studied even one hour less than I did, I could have run the risk of getting a D+ and having to retake the entire class. Everything counts. All the work that I put into that class kinda payed off in the end. I don't normally shoot for C-'s in classes but this was an exception. Im so glad that I didn't give up. There were several moments when I wanted to but I didn't. Make that a life lesson. We are going to come across several trials in our lives that we may think are completely unbearable and impossible to get through, but if we just stick with them and have faith that everything is going to be fine in the end and do everything we can, then everything will be fine! That is exactly what happened this semester for me. There was a lot of stress involved but it was all worth it.

Friday: This was madness day. I had 5 zillion things to do. I had to go to the grocery store to get a bunch of things for Emilys Bridal Shower, and then I had to put together her gift which was a picture frame with 6 photos in it each with a different letter spelling out d-e-n-t-o-n, which is going to be her last name. I found some in my yard but I ran out of things so I had to drive around my neighborhood creepily driving really slow looking at everything I saw very thoroughly and taking pictures. I thought someone might call the cops on me haha. Well I got that finished and then I went to the grocery store again and on the way there, I barely missed this car accident that was in the exact same spot as where I had mine. Same thing happened. It was super crazy. Im kinda glad I didn't see it, but it would have been crazy to see too. The ambulance had just gotten there when I drove past. Then I went home and showered and then picked up sierra from volleyball practice. We went to Maries wedding reception! So fun to see her again! He looked so gorgeous and happy and I haven't seen her smile so much in a really long time so that was great to see. After that, Laura came over to my house and we watched You Again and ate the cookies that I made a couple days ago that sierra wont eat because they look funny. They taste good though!

Saturday: Woke up early and got ready to go to Emilys Bridal shower. Sierra and I went and got flowers and then went to Bri's house at like 9 to start getting ready. The shower was a lot of fun and she got a lot of great gifts! I hope she enjoyed it, and I think she did. Its more fun with friends than old people from the ward haha. After the shower I was supposed to go to the lake with Aliese, Tanner and Chase, but it kept getting postponed because Tanner and Chase were out job searching, and then it was like 8pm so I assumed we just weren't going anymore. Taylor called me and we went to Buffalo Wild Wings with Seth. SO GOOD! Honey BBQ boneless wings...the only ways to go. After dinner we went over to Kirk Fairbanks house because he had a bunch of people over. Im pretty sure everyone there was in the ward. Allen Cooley was there and I haven't seen him in like 5 years. Allen Cooley was one of Lindsays really good friends growing up so thats how he knew who I was. Here is what happened. He looked at me, then gave me this look like 'hey, I know you', and then he says (and Im ready for it because I get it all the time and I already knew what he was going to say) "Are you....?", I was like "Yes, I am haha". On countless occasions people recognize me because I look a lot like Lindsay. Its great haha. So yeah. The last time he saw me, Im pretty sure I was this really unfortunately awkward looking child in like 7th or 8th grade. Oh man, I was hideous. I find it really funny that I know all these people that used to be Lindsays really good friends now, like Kirk and Allen and a bunch of other people her age. This is a good age to be. I enjoy it a lot. I love meeting new people. I love life! But Im sad that Im going to be leaving all of these people that Ive been meeting!

Sunday: Went to my wards sacrament meeting so that I could say hi to people in the ward and then went home and cleaned a little bit then picked sierra up from church. I went to Singlesward at 1 and there were like a million people there. Way more than normal. Aliese, Tanner and Chase decided to just stay for sacrament meeting but I wanted to say so I sat in the Chapel and read hymns for the last 10 minutes of sunday school because we were talking the entire time, then I went to Relief Society by myself. I didn't really think it through that Aliese was leaving and that I would be going to everything alone but I am glad I stayed. After church, I talked with all the guys for a bit like Brad, Zach, Seth, Nathaniel and Hyrum and then got a ride home with Nathaniel and Hyrum. They're nice guys. It was fun to get to talk to them for a bit since Nathaniel just got home from his mission so it had been a while. So I got home and cleaned the entire house with Sierra. I went to tempe for a couple hours to say hi to Nick because its like 5 minutes away from the airport and I was supposed to pick my parents up at 11. Then didn't end up getting in till 2am because they're flight kept getting delayed so I just stayed at Nicks the whole time. We ate dinner with his roommates. We had steak and potatoes. I was very impressed. I would like never go that all out for one dinner haha. And then I creamed him and all of his roommates at super smash bros. They underestimated me haha. It was fun to see him for a couple hours. Then I picked up my parents and went home and went to bed.

Now it is Monday and a bunch of other people started school today, like all the community colleges. It kinda hit me. Im not going to school in hawaii anymore. I know I talk about this a lot but how can I not?! It was an entire year of my life that impacted me as a person greatly. Its a weird thought. I don't know what to expect out of Utah. Kinda overwhelming and I cannot put it into words. Its sad. I miss Hawaii. Im super excited for Provo though. Its kinda a bitter sweet situation. Its hard to believe that a whole year ago me, my mom and sierra were all on a plane flying to hawaii for the first time (not for my mom). We were all so excited. I specifically remember the first time we went to Sunset Beach. It stole my heart. It was gorgeous. Man, this makes me want to cry haha. Im pathetic. Just looking back on it now, it makes me realize how much I have grown in the last year. All I can say is I'm having a lot of overwhelming feelings right now and I have no idea how to explain them. I have so many things to be grateful for, and so many things to look forward to being grateful for. This is a great time in my life and I am very happy with where I am. I have accomplished a lot. I am already a year ahead in school. Im practically a junior. Crazy right? I cant believe it. Im definitely looking forward to this year and living with Aliese. We have a lot of fun together and just work really well together. Its really easy to meet other people with her. I think Im driving up on saturday and Im giving Erika Vasquez a ride. I was going to caravan with Zach but I want to stay home longer that he does so that didn't work out. Anyway, Im going to make the most out of the last 5 days that I have at home! Duces.

Need more time.

Gosh I love being home. I wish I had more than 2 weeks and I wish I didn't have to do summer school! School was fine but I know I would have had a ton of fun if I had stayed home. Yesterday I sewed a skirt for myself out of my tall tee that I got sophomore year from the soccer skit. Its super cute! I wore it last night to fhe. Aliese and I just watched the ping pong tournament and talked. After that, me her and tanner went to DQ and got blizzards then went over to tanners house and watched casino royale with the roommates! That movie is so long! I had no idea. It was way goo but it just dragged on forever! This morning I woke up and made some of my left over cinnamon roll pancakes and then laid out for about 20 minutes because I couldn't handle the heat any longer, then I ran some errands for my mom. Tonight I went to HandlebarJ's with Brad, Seth, Zach, Matt, Kevin and a bunch of other people from the singlesward. We did some country dancing! It was so fun! They go every tuesday night. I had to leave for about an hour to take my mom to the airport but I went back after and danced a little longer. After HandlebarJ's, they always go to this bar that does karaoke. Technically I wasn't supposed to be in there since I'm only 19 but no one noticed haha. I didn't gain enough confidence to sing anything but it was fun to watch everyone else! Maybe i'll sing next week! I wish I was home longer so that I could go to more of these but thats ok I guess. Winter Break! haha.

Church overload.

I took the sacrament three times today. Holy cow. At 9:00 I went to Nathaniel Mosley's homecoming talk, then I went to Seth Price's homecoming talk at 11:00 and then I went to the singlesward sacrament at 1:00. I love my singlesward though. It just has a good feeling to it! I don't know why! Because a lot of people don't like it haha. oh well! Im exhausted, but they were all very good sacrament meetings. I sang like 10 hymns total and now they are stuck in my head.

I love being home and seeing all my friends. Ill probably just kick it for the rest of the day. Maybe watch a movie, maybe start organizing my things so I don't do it last minute before I go back to utah. I've got a lot of stuff Im taking and Im not quite sure what Im going to do with it all yet. Ill figure it out. This was a boring post but I felt like typing so there ya go...

Home!

I got home yesterday morning and I have already done a bunch of things! So yesterday Shelley drove me to the airport. While waiting for my plane and when I was on the plane I watched Step Up 1... so good. When I got to Phoenix, I was standing with my suitcase on the escalator going down to baggage claim and out of nowhere my suitcase somehow fell over and slid down like half the escalator until a man stopped it. Oh gosh, It was hilarious! I couldn't believe it was happening in the moment haha. It flew past a bunch of people too. Thank goodness it didn't hit anyone! It was the funniest thing ever. Then I had to wait forever for my other bags and thenIwent home. I went to lunch with Kalene and Alexandria. We went to 2 hippies...tradition. After that we went and played volleyball at Shadow. We were helping out with the tryouts. It was fun to see a bunch of people I knew andget to play some volleyball for the first time in a while! Afterthat I went home and showered and went over to Brad Romney's house with his brother Zach, Trevor Greene, Raquel Willman and her friend Haylee. We watched this really ridiculous movie. I don't have any idea what was going on. So we finished that and then went to QT and I got the most amazing mango smoothie thing. It was so good. Then we just talked for a bit at his house until I left and went over to Cody's house with some other people. We played a card game called Kemps, then Cody crushed me at ping pong and then we went swimming and played submarine. It was a very good day. Thismorning I woke up around 10 and my mom had already left for work. I made cinnamon roll pancake for me and sierra because I saw a picture of them on pinterest and I wanted to tryit haha. They were so delicious. Literally tasted like a cinnamon roll. Then we went to the Hyatt Regency in Scottsdale and got some sun :) just what I needed. I love having a car. The DJ at the pool was doing a music contest thing and sierra guessed a song right and won a blow up guitar haha. Everyone else got bead necklaces...too bad. It was fun to hang out with her for a bit. It was insanely hot today though. We stayed in the pool like the entire time because we couldn't handle laying on a chair. After that we went to Target to get her a planner and then went to Carolinas for lunch. I ALWAYS see someone I know in there but not this time. Now we're home and Im about to do laundry. So far this break has been excellent and I gotta keep this momentum going! Tata for now.

Homeward stretch.

Guess who failed every test she took this term?! This girl! Yes. You better believe it. I know, I know...you thought I was a good student, and I am. I am so insanely happy that econ is over but I cannot say that Im happy with my grades. It's not that I didn't put forth the effort, because I definitely did. I had no social life because of this class. Thank goodness its a curved class. I could pull off a C, which would be lovely. All I need is a C- (I hate the sound of that. Im shooting for an C-!? that is unlike me...). If I don't get a C- then Ill probably have to retake it, which is not what I want to be doing. I hope that I never, EVER, have to even say the word econ ever again. On the upside, Taylor and I went to the temple and I go home tomorrow morning! Im so pumped. I haven't packed yet, but I could care less if my stuff is organized in my suitcase. Im just going to throw it all in because it's going straight into the washing machine when I get home. There are a lot of things that I want to do when I get home. I have a really cool idea for a birthday present for my mom, so Im going to figure that out when I get back, and I have some clothes that were given to me, and others that I just don't wear that I want to transform into something that I will wear! I have a lot of different ideas and Im really excited to experiment with them. Then theres Emilys bridal shower and Maries wedding reception. I LOVE WEDDINGS! Also, Utah sucked all the color out of me so I will definitely get as much sun as I can to last me through the winters here! Im so excited. I have never lived in snow before! I have no idea what it will be like! And I have never personally driven in snow, so that will be a new experience too. So much stress has been taken off of my shoulders now that the term is over, and Im getting really excited about all these things because I actually have the time to think about them now haha. So pumped to go home! Later Provo.

So close, yet so far.

Oh wow, where to start? Well. The term is coming to an end. There has definitely been several ups and downs throughout the last 7 weeks. Definitely. The only thing that separates me an phoenix, arizona is my dang econ final. I studied for 8 hours straight today and Im probably going to study more tonight before I go to bed. I guess you could say it was a productive day! I also took a nap and went to the gym. Oh, and Im currently blogging which is another accomplishment. Today was a good day now that I look back on it. I got a lot done. Go me haha.

So Marie got married last thursday and now its practically wednesday which means that she's been married for 6 days already. WEIRD! But I am extremely happy for her. She looked beautiful. Im going to post some pictures that were taken. Some are from my camera and the others are from Melissas. She wouldn't let me post them on Facebook (not sure why...I can never tell if she's being serious) so Im only going to post a couple of my favorites in hopes that she never see's this blog which she probably wont. But if you're reading this Melissa...I love you! You're the best haha. Don't hate me for posting these. So yeah, thursday was the wedding. We got there around 11:30 and waited around until like 12:30 (I think) when she and Steven came out of the temple. They looked so good and happy! I had only seen them together like twice before they got married so it was fun to see how the interacted with each other. They're currently honeymooning in California right now. Don't think about that too much haha. After the wedding and pictures we went to her luncheon at The Canterbury Place. I loved it and it was exactly what she wanted! We ate and listened to funny stories and then watched Kelsey catch the bouquet and Jared catch the garter. Deborah was happy about that haha. So that was that. And then we watched Marie and Steven drive away. Gosh I love weddings. Up next....EMILY! So pumped. Im actually kinda excited to wear the 4-inch heels that she picked out for all of the bridesmaids. I may be taller than everyone in the world, but Im ok with that! haha. It will be fun. Well here are some pictures from the wedding...

I think this shows our personalities pretty well.

Oh William.

Newlyweds! Fresh out of the temple.

Shelley somehow didn't make this shot...haha.

She wanted a picture showing our hair and it turned out way cute!

So much love in this picture.

When my artsy side came out. I love this.

So there it is. Beautiful wedding! Everyone thinks that Im next to get married, which kinda frightens me but whatever happens, happens!

How is it already August?

Will someone please explain to me how it is already August 1st?! Unbelievable. Today was definitely a Monday. Woke up late, couldn't shower, late to class, TA's never showed up to the lab, didn't get anything done in between classes, starting pouring and was late to my other class because I didn't want to get my project wet and ruin it, didn't go to the gym because I fell asleep, and then I couldn't find my debit card, BYU ID and license and freaked out a little bit because I realized I hadn't seen them since Friday night. HOWEVER, Praying works like a charm and I found them :) I still really want to go to the gym because I ate so much yesterday but I feel like its too late now because FHE is at 7:30 and I don't know if I will have enough time and because Im buying the all-sports pass for me and Aliese right now which is taking forever! Anyway, happy note of the day is that my teacher really liked my project and I got a good nap.

Anyway, this is my last week of classes before finals and I could not be happier. This term needs to be over. My brain is fried. I feel like I've been going to school non stop since high school. That is a really long time might I add. Just one more week to push through Econ. Wednesday is my last day of class because I have to skip Thursday for Maries wedding! I haven't decided how I feel about skipping my last class of econ but Im gonna have to feel good about it haha. Econ is tough, but I feel pretty good going into the final. I need to keep a positive attitude because I need to do really well and if I say that Im going to fail, then I will. But Im not going to fail!

So pretty much Im super excited for winter. Realizing that it is already august made me think how soon winter is going to be here! I have never lived in snow, or even a place that gets relatively cold. Im excited to be able to wear boots and big coats! I love winter clothes! Now I have a reason to buy them! Its crazy to know that Im going from the sunny topical beaches of Hawaii to cold snowy Utah but right now...I wouldn't have it any other way! I feel pretty good about where I am in my life right now, and although I miss Hawaii more than I have missed anything in my entire life, and left an amazing life to be here, I know that being here Im going to have just as many amazing memories. Something that helped me get through my rough patch of Hawaii withdrawals, was the idea that instead of having one amazing cultural experience in Hawaii, I want to travel a lot more and have multiple cultural experiences. Ive probably told myself that a lot but Im serious about it now. This summer I want to do a study abroad in Australia/Fiji/New Zealand (its all one trip) and I also want to go to Panama with Katie Salgado and whoever else signs up to help at orphanages and clean up different parts of the country. She did it this summer and had an amazing summer. Before I heard about Katies trip, another friend went to Ecuador and did very similar things. I want to be able to go to atleast one of them. Taylor is going to Russia this fall to teach english and I really wish I was going with her but we talked about doing the same thing in Thailand sometime in the next couple years as well. I know that these are big adventures and will definitely cost some money, but I cannot imagine a better way to spend the money that I have been and will be saving from working. Im excited for next summer!