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My girls.
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I miss cruising with reggae blasting in the background.
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THE Karla Antivilo.
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| Free matsumotos anyone? Thanks Olson and your himsh child! |
Instead of updating you on all of the things that have happened recently here in Provo (which will happen soon, I promise), I've decided that I need to vent my Hawaii withdrawals to this computer screen. I miss hawaii so much. It's a Friday night and all of my roommates are gone, so Im left alone to think. And we all know what happens when I think too much. I got looking through all of my pictures, and the ridiculous videos I had to take for my online bio class with a couple friends. It brought back so many amazing memories that I wish I didn't have to leave in Hawaii. I was so comfortable with myself there. My hair was always perfectly curled and volumized from the humidity, I never had to wear make up, I was always tan, I had amazing friends, loved school, and had the best, most rewarding job anyone could ask for. To this day I often wonder and wish I would know what would have happened if I had stayed there. I would have continued to make wonderful memories that would last a lifetime, while living on a beautiful island with nothing to worry about. The culture made me feel so welcome, wanted, and loved. I miss that. Provo is wonderful, but I don't get the same feeling that I did there. Although Hawaii was great, it's not where Im supposed to be right now. There is a plan for me, and I believe with pretty much everything in my heart (there is a little bit of doubt, since BYUH will forever hold a place in my heart) that this is where I need to be. Yes, Im sure I would have survived in Hawaii and found an amazing career and possibly a husband several years down the road, but why settle when I know that having faith in my decision of coming here, knowing that its God's plan for me, will provide a life 1000x better than that I could get from being anywhere else even though it's not the easiest option to be here. I am SO grateful that I am able to make my own decisions. It has made me grown in ways I didn't even know possible. My life continues to change every day, and continues to surprise me as well. Despite my withdrawals, I feel so blessed to be able to attend such an amazing University with other students from all around the world. I hope and pray that BYU will greatly influence my life, and my schoolwork will go as smoothly as I hope it to go. I am blessed with a lot of things and couldn't be more grateful for the friends and family that I have that have supported me through everything in my life starting from day 1. Life is beautiful and I cant believe where it has taken me. One day, I hope that I can return to Hawaii where I spent a year of my life learning to become the best that I can be.
It's hard trying to figure out how life is supposed to go. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I would have been better off taking it slow, staying in Phoenix and getting an Associate's at PVCC while saving money (and being with my family) living at home before jumping into BYU, but this is where I'm supposed to be. I love it here and it's an amazing opportunity and I am glad that I'm pushing myself. Sometimes it's hard to remember that if I had made a different choice, there would be a lot that I'm missing out on here in Provo. And I also get stuck in that trap of just wanting to move to the next stage in life, whether it be mission, marriage, or career, because then I won't have to think so much about what comes next. I have to remind myself that both here and now are important, and I should be learning as much as I can from these experiences (and enjoying it!) so that when there and then come along I'm ready for it and I don't have regrets about things I should have done or time I spent wishing.
ReplyDeleteWe're all in the same "growing up and dealing with life" boat right now... :)
Also, if you're ever bored on a Friday or Saturday night again and you want to do something, let me know! I sat on my butt and watched byu basketball last night, I would have loved to hang out. Plus Shelley is right down the street from me and I know she could always use a break from homework, so we could all three get together and make it a party. :) Love ya Zoe!